Does this thing ever get updated?

My problem seems to be that I don't find the time or effort to write and update my blogs.  Before it was college and then it was the internship and now it is the job search.  Also, I very rarely do anything on the internet in the summer...I like to think of it as my digital vacation.  You should try taking an extended break or drastic reduction of time from the digital world.  It is really rather refreshing.

In the beginning of winter I found myself in a sort of gloomy state.  It probably didn't help that during my internship I was in the Empire State Plaza Concourse in an office that had no windows.  As the air grew colder the amount of sunlight I saw shrunk.  When I walked to work I saw the sunrise and when I left work I saw the sunset.  Of course a few smoking breaks I would take outside, but those were really minimal times outside at best.

Then my anxiety seemed to worsen slowly as my internship ended.  I'm not totally sure of all the reasons why, but I think I know a few of them.  It is hard to really convey to someone else what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder — something that you struggle to control.  I've said before that sometimes I just wish I was normal and didn't have to deal with it, but then I remind myself that I could be far worse off and to be thankful for all the positive things in my life I do have.

How this all relates to writing, I don't know.  I wish I did more of it.  A lot more of it.  I should probably do what Howie Good said in class before — set aside a designated time to write each day and all you can do is write for the full amount of time.  It would probably do me some good.  There are just so many other distractions and things to do that it can be hard to focus.  Also, as a journalist I tend to do a lot of writing anyway, but not writing that is really for me.

I really miss writing poetry, but a part of me feels that I just can't do it anymore.  The driving force that was there before just doesn't seem to be there anymore.  I'm not really sure why, but that just seems to be the way it is.  I'm sure I could change this, but I have never been when to force writing.  I just did it when it came to me and maybe that is the problem.  I might need to coax the writing essence to come out of me a little more than I do currently.

It just seems to be such a damn busy world out there.

Getting Thrown Into the Deep End

The first week of my journalism internship is over and the second week is going to start tomorrow. It was a rather sticky and unusual first week. No orientation — no introduction. Just start typing and get going on some stories. Made for an interesting first week.

I never thought on my first day I would be calling up Assemblymen and starting to type out a story, but it was rather interesting. Later I found out the desk I choose that day would be mine for the rest of the semester. That is okay I guess, because I do like where I am sitting, although, I feel it slightly isolates me from the editors. Random how where you sit really affects your daily work life. I get selected, well, never, to do any stories that arise. I have to go to my editors and ask for more work. I think that will change soon, but maybe not? Maybe it doesn't have to do with where I am sitting either?

The cafeteria in the concourse, though, has pretty damn good food. I've said it is even the best meal I eat all day. Might be a little more costly, but I think it is worth it. Guess I just got to see how my expenses start to sort out as time goes on. On a side note, I wouldn't mind getting HDTV too. I think it is only like $10 more a month — but I digress. So far I am still trying to not have that much caffeine, so that is hard at times. I just have to make sure I get enough sleep every night and I am usually pretty good. Still got my cigarettes.

I already know one story I am going to be working on next week and I am really excited about it. So far, I haven't seen any other news source covering the story I am working on. Should be pretty cool if it stays that way and I get my story out first. I wouldn't be surprised if other news sources then followed me.

I hope your summer was good everyone, but now it is time to get back to work.

Losing the Pen

This year I have wrote very little poems thus far. Considering it just became the sixth month and I don't even have six poems yet, I am rather disappointed. I'm not really sure what the reasoning is for this, but I really need to buckle down sometime soon and get writing. Although, I usually just write when the urge comes to me and that has been the problem.

My creative juices seem to have been somewhat drained recently. I'm not totally sure why, but I do have a few ideas. Maybe I just don't have the same passion for poetry? Well, I feel like I do, but maybe I just don't want to admit my decline is intentional. Well, to some degree at least. All I want to do is write something, yet I never sit in front of that screen and start pounding the keys into my broken prose.

Lately I have seem to fit other hobbies into my lifestyle. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare has begun to play an enormous role in my life. Well, it has been for a while now. I never really saw myself as the "gamer" type, but apparently I have become one to some degree. What drives me to want to play it so addictively I am not too sure of. I guess it is the feeling that I am doing something that has tangible results, but in reality it doesn't. That is the magic of video games. To create a reality where you can be whomever and whatever you want. Life might suck, but at least you have an 'escape'. I guess that is still a better escape than going down various other routes that lead to needles and whore houses. We all need to escape sometimes.

With me, I used to escape through my writing. I realize that now. It is one of those things people say it is (you know, all those English teachers toting books over fast-paced movies and internet porn), but you don't really know what it is till you stop doing it. The question is now, so how do I continue my current paths of escapism?