Pondering the WoW side of life

For a while now I've been debating to purchase World of Warcraft.  During college I knew I couldn't play it.  I've heard the horror stories when people went that route.  Besides, I think I know my own limits.  I played Call of Duty a ton, but I still managed to graduate with honors — so, you can game and be successful.

Since I've graduated college I've been looking for a job for several months and gaming often has came back into the picture.  I guess I just feel like I am accomplishing something when I play video games, but in reality I am not really accomplishing anything tangible.  There are many other things I could be doing, such as actually updating my blogs.  Lately, I've been trying to find ways to get paid for writing I do.  I did find a few avenues for that, so updating blogs almost seemed like a waste of time.

Now the real question seems to be whether I should finally allow myself to play WoW.  I always try to weigh the pros and cons of situations.  The biggest con seems to be my girlfriend would probably be extremely pissed at me.  For the most part, that has kept me from thinking about it.  Also, the reccuring monthly fee isn't something I am crazy about either.  I am spoiled cause I play PS3 online for free while other people pay fees for Xbox, but that is a whole different debate.

Do I really take the jump?  The desire to play WoW seems to be more of an impulsive thing for me.  After a little while I don't care as much anymore to play the game.  I don't think I have ever really been addicted to a game or gaming either.  If I was addicted to gaming then how did I graduate college?  I think that would have been impossible.

Yes, I play video games more than I might like to admit, but does anything really negative come out of it?  I'm sure there is probably something, but nothing overly drastic yet.  I just find it to be a very relaxing and stimulating hobby.  I guess that is why it has overtaken many of my other hobbies.  I have an addictive personality at times, so that is why I should have never started smoking.

Well, I don't really want to play WoW anymore, now that I took the time to write all this.  I guess I should play the games I have for PS3 first, because I still have games that are unopened.  Sometimes I just can't pass up a good deal, because there is always some time in the future I am sure I can fit it in.

Actually, I think a part of me still wants to play it.

Atomic Fallout Wildlife

This morning I watched a really cool documentary on HD Theater called "Chernobyl: Life in the Dead Zone."  I would have never thought there was still a great deal of wildlife thriving in the aftermath of the nuclear power plant explosion.

Someone seems to have posted the video on YouTube broken into several parts, so I thought I would post the first part of the video here for you to check out if you can't watch it on television.  Of course there are probably torrents of the video out there too.

The cats are so damn cute in this movie.  All the animals are really interesting to watch.  They decide to follow a few different animals, so you get to see how each lives out their life.  At times different animals they are following cross paths too.

Only complaint I have is they really don't show any of the animals killing other animals.  That surprised me.  It just seems odd that they show a lot of footage about an animal, but skip over the most dramatic stuff.  Still, the documentary held my interest even when I had to wait for the commercial breaks.

Does this thing ever get updated?

My problem seems to be that I don't find the time or effort to write and update my blogs.  Before it was college and then it was the internship and now it is the job search.  Also, I very rarely do anything on the internet in the summer...I like to think of it as my digital vacation.  You should try taking an extended break or drastic reduction of time from the digital world.  It is really rather refreshing.

In the beginning of winter I found myself in a sort of gloomy state.  It probably didn't help that during my internship I was in the Empire State Plaza Concourse in an office that had no windows.  As the air grew colder the amount of sunlight I saw shrunk.  When I walked to work I saw the sunrise and when I left work I saw the sunset.  Of course a few smoking breaks I would take outside, but those were really minimal times outside at best.

Then my anxiety seemed to worsen slowly as my internship ended.  I'm not totally sure of all the reasons why, but I think I know a few of them.  It is hard to really convey to someone else what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder — something that you struggle to control.  I've said before that sometimes I just wish I was normal and didn't have to deal with it, but then I remind myself that I could be far worse off and to be thankful for all the positive things in my life I do have.

How this all relates to writing, I don't know.  I wish I did more of it.  A lot more of it.  I should probably do what Howie Good said in class before — set aside a designated time to write each day and all you can do is write for the full amount of time.  It would probably do me some good.  There are just so many other distractions and things to do that it can be hard to focus.  Also, as a journalist I tend to do a lot of writing anyway, but not writing that is really for me.

I really miss writing poetry, but a part of me feels that I just can't do it anymore.  The driving force that was there before just doesn't seem to be there anymore.  I'm not really sure why, but that just seems to be the way it is.  I'm sure I could change this, but I have never been when to force writing.  I just did it when it came to me and maybe that is the problem.  I might need to coax the writing essence to come out of me a little more than I do currently.

It just seems to be such a damn busy world out there.

The Loss of a Loved One

When my grandfather on my Dad's side passed away it was truly tough, because I had never dealt with the loss of someone I was close to before. That was less than two years ago now. It seems like yesterday in some ways. Now, my grandmother on my Dad's side has passed away. It all seemed to happen very fast.

My Mother's parents passed away before I was ever born, so I never met them. Now, both of my Dad's parents have passed away, so now I have no living grandparents. That is a really weird feeling. I didn't really expect it to happen this soon. They both passed away while I was at New Paltz, even though now I am in Albany doing my internship currently. Both of them were so proud of me for going to college and getting as far as I have gotten. I wish they both could have seen me graduate, because they have truly been a big inspiration for me. I would always think of them when the going got tough. I got strength through them. I don't think that is going to change either.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this entry. I just felt like something needed to be said. It doesn't seem to get that much easier to deal with even though I have went through it once before. It took me a little while to go through the motions last time, but I feel like I am mentally dealing with it a little sooner this time. It just didn't seem real when it happened last time. This time I saw my grandmother in the hospital hours before she passed away.

I'm glad she opened her eyes and saw me before I left. I don't think I will ever forget that moment. There was just something powerful shared between us without her even saying anything. Now it is just how I move on from this loss, but I will have to figure that out as I go along.

Getting Thrown Into the Deep End

The first week of my journalism internship is over and the second week is going to start tomorrow. It was a rather sticky and unusual first week. No orientation — no introduction. Just start typing and get going on some stories. Made for an interesting first week.

I never thought on my first day I would be calling up Assemblymen and starting to type out a story, but it was rather interesting. Later I found out the desk I choose that day would be mine for the rest of the semester. That is okay I guess, because I do like where I am sitting, although, I feel it slightly isolates me from the editors. Random how where you sit really affects your daily work life. I get selected, well, never, to do any stories that arise. I have to go to my editors and ask for more work. I think that will change soon, but maybe not? Maybe it doesn't have to do with where I am sitting either?

The cafeteria in the concourse, though, has pretty damn good food. I've said it is even the best meal I eat all day. Might be a little more costly, but I think it is worth it. Guess I just got to see how my expenses start to sort out as time goes on. On a side note, I wouldn't mind getting HDTV too. I think it is only like $10 more a month — but I digress. So far I am still trying to not have that much caffeine, so that is hard at times. I just have to make sure I get enough sleep every night and I am usually pretty good. Still got my cigarettes.

I already know one story I am going to be working on next week and I am really excited about it. So far, I haven't seen any other news source covering the story I am working on. Should be pretty cool if it stays that way and I get my story out first. I wouldn't be surprised if other news sources then followed me.

I hope your summer was good everyone, but now it is time to get back to work.