Monday, September 28, 2009

The Loss of a Loved One

When my grandfather on my Dad's side passed away it was truly tough, because I had never dealt with the loss of someone I was close to before. That was less than two years ago now. It seems like yesterday in some ways. Now, my grandmother on my Dad's side has passed away. It all seemed to happen very fast.

My Mother's parents passed away before I was ever born, so I never met them. Now, both of my Dad's parents have passed away, so now I have no living grandparents. That is a really weird feeling. I didn't really expect it to happen this soon. They both passed away while I was at New Paltz, even though now I am in Albany doing my internship currently. Both of them were so proud of me for going to college and getting as far as I have gotten. I wish they both could have seen me graduate, because they have truly been a big inspiration for me. I would always think of them when the going got tough. I got strength through them. I don't think that is going to change either.

I'm not really sure where I was going with this entry. I just felt like something needed to be said. It doesn't seem to get that much easier to deal with even though I have went through it once before. It took me a little while to go through the motions last time, but I feel like I am mentally dealing with it a little sooner this time. It just didn't seem real when it happened last time. This time I saw my grandmother in the hospital hours before she passed away.

I'm glad she opened her eyes and saw me before I left. I don't think I will ever forget that moment. There was just something powerful shared between us without her even saying anything. Now it is just how I move on from this loss, but I will have to figure that out as I go along.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Getting Thrown Into the Deep End

The first week of my journalism internship is over and the second week is going to start tomorrow. It was a rather sticky and unusual first week. No orientation — no introduction. Just start typing and get going on some stories. Made for an interesting first week.

I never thought on my first day I would be calling up Assemblymen and starting to type out a story, but it was rather interesting. Later I found out the desk I choose that day would be mine for the rest of the semester. That is okay I guess, because I do like where I am sitting, although, I feel it slightly isolates me from the editors. Random how where you sit really affects your daily work life. I get selected, well, never, to do any stories that arise. I have to go to my editors and ask for more work. I think that will change soon, but maybe not? Maybe it doesn't have to do with where I am sitting either?

The cafeteria in the concourse, though, has pretty damn good food. I've said it is even the best meal I eat all day. Might be a little more costly, but I think it is worth it. Guess I just got to see how my expenses start to sort out as time goes on. On a side note, I wouldn't mind getting HDTV too. I think it is only like $10 more a month — but I digress. So far I am still trying to not have that much caffeine, so that is hard at times. I just have to make sure I get enough sleep every night and I am usually pretty good. Still got my cigarettes.

I already know one story I am going to be working on next week and I am really excited about it. So far, I haven't seen any other news source covering the story I am working on. Should be pretty cool if it stays that way and I get my story out first. I wouldn't be surprised if other news sources then followed me.

I hope your summer was good everyone, but now it is time to get back to work.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

In Order to Express

I know why
I write —
my tears need
someplace to fall.

My love
doesn’t look pretty
typed out.

You don’t want
to hear me love —
it wouldn’t hold
your interest.

My pain
bleeds vivacious beauty
typed out.

The moment
for words
is during nothingness.

I need words
when everything fails
to help me cope.

I’ll take a sip
and then write
some more misery.

It needs to get out.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sand on State Street?

Here is a quick but late update I meant to post a little while ago. Well, at least I should have posted it. I did tweet it on my twitter account. It is amazing what you can do with "phones" these days.

This was the same night and event that I talked about in the previous post where I uploaded the fireworks video. I'm still not sure what the event was called.

Teaser: I will write about the amazing apartment I am going to rent in Albany with Dylan. I really need to get some pictures up here so everyone can see it!

Monday, July 20, 2009

First iPhone Video

Well, I get my iPhone 3G S for my birthday at the beginning of July and I have been highly enjoying it. Since it deterred me from playing my PS3 for a while you know it has to be good. I might do another post about the iPhone later, but since I have been lax with updating both my blogs I thought I would share this video with everyone that hadn't already seen it.

Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel too. I don't have that many videos posted, but I think I might try to update it a little bit from time to time since I can capture things on my iPhone.

I hope everyone has been enjoying their summer!

Monday, June 29, 2009

I Meet Him at a Bar

I was out at the bars a couple nights ago with Dylan and it turned out rather good. First we were at Bomber's in Schenectady, but it was way too damn crowded. I had to bounce from that place. An overly crowded bar is not really my thing. Seriously, about 30 people walked in right before me and Dylan were finished eating our tacos (I always forget to say no sour cream). It wouldn't have been too bad if a mass of people didn't just show up together.

Moving on, so we were deciding were to go and I figured we could go to Manhattan Exchange. It is a slightly more upscale bar then the rest of the ones we normally go to in Schenectady. The nice thing there is that you know it isn't going to get overly crowded, usually has a nice atmosphere, there are HD TV's and free freshly popped popcorn. Sounds good, right?

Me and Dylan weren't sitting there too long before a friendly conversation started with two guys in their early 30's. Long story short, I found out that the one guy, Matt, was really into metal music. He got to talking to me and ended up giving me three CD's that he burned of bands he liked. So far, I have only listened to the first one and I am in love with this band — Kylesa. They kick some major ass and remind of a style similar to Mastodon. Oh, and one of the guitarists is a chick — that totally kicks ass (hence picture).

Who would have thought that I would meet a dude at the bar that gives me three CDs, oh, and he bought me and dylan a shot of Jameson. Pretty cool dude.

Now, should I be worried that he wanted my number and I gave it to him?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Summer Dilemma

It seems like whenever it is the summer I get faced with the same thing — I don't get anything constructive done.

I don't know why, but I don't seem to ever want to do anything. Right now my main concern is just trying to find I job. That is a huge pain in the ass. Even though I am about to graduate with a BA in journalism I probably still won't be "qualified" enough for a job behind a register. Every job I have ever gotten was cause I knew someone. I never really got hired for just me. That seems to be the way the world goes — you gotta know someone. Then again, if you know nobody, that might say something about your social skills. Oh well, whatever.

I have a lot of little things that I want to get done this summer. This happens every summer during the last few years. I got books I want to read, games to beat, songs to finish, bands to start and other various hobbies to pursue. Usually, barely any of it gets one (well the video game one probably will). Damn, now I can't even find my lighter. Okay, it was right next to the keyboard. Time to smoke.

One thing I do a lot during the summer though is drink. I'm not really sure why this happens. I don't get sloshed every night (actually, rarely ever), but I do drink almost every night. Usually around 3-4 beers over a few hours. During college I drank like once a week. Now, this happens pretty much every summer the last few years, but it is kinda weird. At least my tolerance gets built up I suppose?

Even doing things like writing in this blog never seem to get done. Maybe I take it too seriously. That could be a problem. I just take too many things too seriously. Or maybe I am lazy. But how I am lazy if I am about to graduate from college. I do procrastinate — I know that.

I'm pretty sure my credit score must be horrible.

After Seeing a Picture...

A huge straight edge tattoo across your upper chest...really?

I'm sorry, but in my book that is pretty lame.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Typewriter Ramble #2


The air is cold, as it suggests for me to continue down the path I have yet to see. Still, I must continue — the scent is drawing me in. Closer I walk as the leaves from strangled trees wave past my eyes. Silently I sing a lullaby that my mother would recite before she kissed my head. I fell asleep there as the colors stop to be what they were. They took on a whole new hue — one no person has ever seen. I was compelled to see the vibrancy at its fullest.

I only had to hope for what I thought it to be and then it would become something even I could not believe in. Yes, something that even a mother could not dream up to tell her child. That great truth we seek for out whole life, but maybe we can only find it in death?

In the silence we can hear everything that has yet to be heard — all those soft little sounds that come out of our true being. For it is screaming a scream that has never, not even once, been heard. THAT is the sad truth of it all.

Only if we could hear, truly hear, the first great truth to ever be known. Maybe the truth is already in the situation? That could be the truth and the only truth we could ever know.


Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Grand Life Goals (Round 1)

I was asked to respond to this question in my Media Ethics course at SUNY New Paltz:

In his book, "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy," philosophy professor William Irvine says many people have trouble naming their grand goal in living. Do you? In other words, of the things in life you might pursue, which is the thing you believe to be most valuable?

Sharing my answer seemed like a suitable thing to post to this blog. Since this blog, in some regards, is another thing I use to utilize these goals. Check out what I had to say and feel free to leave me a comment that sums up how you feel about this question in regards to yourself.

The first thing I remember promising myself, was that I would not work for a 9-to-5 job in a cubicle. I didn’t want an office job. I wanted something with more adventure and creativity. I wanted something that I could express myself in order to do my job. I guess that is how, in turn, I feel into journalism, eventually.

Ever since my mid-teens I have had this feeling that I wanted to change the world. I always feel childish admitting this, but I feel like I was put on this earth to change the world, or at least to affect some part of it in a positive manner. There are just too many reasons for me not to believe that I have a strong purpose here. I just don’t want to bore you with the details about why I feel this way. It started out that I thought I could achieve this through poetry, but now I feel I have more chance to do this through journalism. Who knows, maybe there will be a poetry revival in the future. At least I hope there is one — even if I never get my poetry published.

Lastly, I have decided recently that I want to be remembered. I don’t think it is being famous that I want, but I do want to be remembered in the future. I would like to have my writing looked back upon with significance to our culture and life. Similar to how we look back and study these great writers, such as (insert your favorite writer here), I want to be reflected upon too. I want to leave my mark on the journalism and literary world. Then I could die a content man.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Typewriter Ramble #1

Thanks to Dylan, who recently offered to give me a typewriter he had sitting around from some suburban garage sale many years back, I have acquired a typewriter. I guess Facebook truly can be a good social networking tool. I posted something to the effect, "John Purcell wants to get a typewriter," as my Facebook status. Shortly later Dlyan offered the gift. Who would've thunk it? I certainly didn't, but, thanks again!

Besides a new ribbon and maybe some small maintance it should be really set. I am not sure how to get the musty smell off it though. Even the paper I typed onto reeks of this musty smell. It is not the worst smell, though, kinda homey.

After a Gonzo Imperial Porter, Miller High Life and two White Russians (with extra vodka) I sat down with the typewriter at Dylan's house while other friends conversed around me. I am not sure what exactly I was going to write when I sat down, but I just wanted to nail out something. Whatever the typewriter made me feel — for better or worse.

This made me think that I might have certain reoccuring posts just be whatever I ramble out on the typewriter. Hence the name for this post, "Typewriter Ramble #1," so maybe there will be more in the future, but here is the first.

You have no heart ... he is the golden boy of your sick shit.

What does the boy want from his father? The golden goose of sincerity that grows under his father's pathetic job of regret. The man said yes to his offer, for he had nothing to hide from his son. He gave him the gold he desired and he didn't shed a tear. He was only full of hope for the future of his family — he could not see the scum bubbling into his mouth. Yes, the scum does rise.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Journalist's Drug

I feel in love with this video the first time I saw it. This one goes out to all the coffee drinkers out there...let us hope we don't slip into a coffee paranoia.

le Café - Oldelaf (english subtitles)
Uploaded by Boebis

Monday, February 16, 2009

You Gotta Feel It Man

"Some days I just really feel like a journalist." -Me

That was something that just really got me thinking. Why do I feel more like a journalist on certain days? Does it have to do with something that happened to me? Is there something that angered or frustrated me? Does it have to do with what I have been reading or watching? Maybe it is what I choose to wear? Could it really just be in the coffee?

Hunter S. Thompson really sparks me, I do know that. It always helps to read/study/observe those you idle. Although, I do not want to be the next Hunter S. Thompson. That would be pretty foolish...cause who the fuck could really be him, shit!

Well, whatever the answer is, maybe a mixture of them all, it seems I just feel more like a journalist at certain times. I have been falling further and further into becoming my major — which I hope you know after that long rant — journalism. I am finding myself welcoming and embracing the thought of being a journalist. I guess I am getting the feeling that I have chosen what is right for me. My biggest fear is that I am not going to amount to something on a grand scale. Not that I want to be famous, I don't feel that is really the word I would be going for, nor what I am striving for. "Famous" seems to involve a lot of dirty, shoe licking and puss sucking. Being well known, or at least well respected within a certain group, is all I really am striving for.

"Book people drink tea — Journalists drink coffee...and sometimes alcohol."

I feel like that quote is probably a mixture of a few real quotes. I like to think I added the "and sometimes alcohol" to the quote first, but who knows. I am still amazed how the "old school" journalist could pound down coffee during the day and pound down their liquor even harder at night. Yeah, and this is like every day.

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Restroom Entry

Right now I am sitting in a public restroom. This is the first time I think I have ever been on my laptop in one...and much-the-less, actually had a WiFi connection. Sitting here, it seemed like a worthy moment to post an entry.

Let me tell you one thing — if you have a medium Red Bull and a small Latte and still cannot wake up, then you are in trouble. This is my case at the moment. Maybe 5 and a half hours of sleep is just not simply enough for me. Either way, I still have two more classes to go to and will not be out of here till 7:10 p.m. That three hour class is going to kill me.

One thing I have been noticing lately is that reading a book for leisure is hard to do. I don't think our culture is built to have leisure time for reading. While I do enjoy reading, it seems hard to just do, without having to fulfill some requirement/assignment for a class. I still have 10 pages left in Gonzo, that I have had for over a week now. Then I hope to read "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by you know who. If you don't know, well, you should, so shame on you. There really needs to be a course just on Hunter S. Thompson.

Okay, time to get off the throne and pull my pants up — I got me some college to go to.