The Journalist's Drug

I feel in love with this video the first time I saw it. This one goes out to all the coffee drinkers out there...let us hope we don't slip into a coffee paranoia.

le Café - Oldelaf (english subtitles)
Uploaded by Boebis

No More Smoke (Part 2)

Yeah, I didn't quit smoking, but I think that was an obvious outcome. I am not even sure if I believed I could quit. While I did want to quit a part of me does not want to. My guess is that's the part that's addicted to smoking. The price surely was an original motive, but that has seemed to fade as a reason. People get used to how things are after while. Paying $7.25 for my cigarettes does suck, but I guess it is just something I have to do for now.

For the longest time I have been threatening to buy my cigarettes off the internet, but I never seem to get around to it. I think the initial investment is what stops me. Obviously you have to buy at least one carton (10 packs), but in the end I would save money. It ends up costing nearly half the amount I pay in stores. The second reason I seem to avoid it is that the government seems to be cracking down on internet cigarette sales, since the state tax is avoided in the purchase. I've even heard of people having to pay all the state tax they avoided once the records of such companies were searched. To me, having to pay a large amount of taxes in the end would be a real bitch. I might as well just pay it right away. There is no escaping the government sometimes.

There is always the final and legal alternative to taxes on cigarettes, but that involves going to an Indian reservation. Let me first say, I have no idea where there even are reservations. I know they are out there, but I don't know where they are. I am sure after some search engine inquiry I could find a place, but then the second element comes in. Paying to drive there, with the spike in gas prices, would be a real bitch too. I mean, I would have to by several cartons in order for the trip to be worth it. That, right there, says there is no way I am going to quit smoking anytime soon. In some ways, that bothers me too. That is the real admittance of defeat right there; knowing you are bound to your addiction and that there is no way you are going to stop smoking.

One, small, but final reason is there is some sort of persona involved with smoking. Whether it is the rebel, sexy, artsy, or plain American pop-culture is up for debate. There is something about it though that draws me. I am not sure exactly what, but it is something. Increasingly smoking is beginning to be seen as a social annoyance, though, as distortions of the truth about second hand smoke is revealed. I don't believe everything I read about second hand smoke, but I do believe some of it.

Bottom line is: don't start smoking cause it will hurt your wallet the most.


photo used from Jasmin Cormier's collection on flickr.com

No More Smoke (Part 1)

Congratulations NY government officials, you have successfully prompted me to quit smoking. That is what you wanted when you raised the price of cigarettes to $1.50 more per pack? Actually, I doubt they really give a shit about people smoking. This is just another way for them to make money on a "vice product". Fuck them, but they did get me to quit. At least for the moment I am attempting it.

The price was truly the first thing that really triggered it in me, but then I started to think about all of the other reasons that I want to quit. I don't know if my health is really the biggest reason, though, since I know it is bad for me. The whole ciggarette lifestyle was just starting to drain on me. Always having to reach for a cig at certain "triggers" I would have. Yes, sometimes it was enjoyable, but I guess other times it just really isn't.

All in all I would say I have a love hate relationship with cigarettes. Not being able to run/jog for more than a minute is a little disappointing. Isn't this early '20s of my age supposed to be when I am in my best shape? I don't feel like I am. I used to do a lot more things that kept me active. Then again, that was before I ever had a car. It seems that owning a car is the first step to becoming less active. The rest of the active things you do just seem to follow.

There just some times when I REALLY want a cigarette. After a meal I think has to be the most. It is hard to eat when I know I am going to fiend a cigarette when I am done. Alcohol and highly caffeinated beverages (coffee and energy drinks) I would say are tied for second place in the triggers. Then, I guess it would be driving. Almost every time I get into my car I have to have a smoke.

Now avoiding a lot of this stuff is rather hard. I have to eat, so that is not going to change. Coffee I can cut back on, but I work at a damn cafe at the moment. It is kind of difficult to not drink coffee when you work at a cafe. I really love Red Bull too, but I could stop that. The only problem is that I really need some sort of highly caffeinated beverage during the day to really function properly. Can't run a car on just fumes forever. Drinking alcohol is more of a social thing too. It would be too weird to just sit there and not drink anything when my friends are pounding them away.

Above all, I think the constant mental battle is the worst. My mind is saying, "Just smoke a fucking a cigarette already!" My heart is saying, "Don't even think about wasting more of your money on that shit that is going to kill you anyway...you are better than that!" The mind versus the heart is an interesting battle and one that is not easy to predict the winner. My mother and grandfather both gave up smoking for me when I was born, so for me smoking just sort of feels like me slapping them in the face. On top of that, my mom's mother died from smoking. I seem to be surround by influences to not smoke. Tom's mom had to stop smoking recently or she would have died. My aunt also has physical problems from smoking and she can't smoke anymore. Yet, there is still a part of me that wants a cig.

I guess I just feel, "Yeah, I know it could hurt me or even kill me, but aren't you going to die eventually anyway?" I guess I shouldn't have that be the reason I do though.

I am nearing the end of day 3 of being smoke free and it is one of the hardest things I have had to do. Smoking becomes a part of you and you become a part of smoking. There is a piece of me missing, but maybe that is a piece I don't want to keep? Well, I think it would be a piece I would be better off without.

Fuck, I do want a cigarette though.