Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Does this thing ever get updated?

My problem seems to be that I don't find the time or effort to write and update my blogs.  Before it was college and then it was the internship and now it is the job search.  Also, I very rarely do anything on the internet in the summer...I like to think of it as my digital vacation.  You should try taking an extended break or drastic reduction of time from the digital world.  It is really rather refreshing.

In the beginning of winter I found myself in a sort of gloomy state.  It probably didn't help that during my internship I was in the Empire State Plaza Concourse in an office that had no windows.  As the air grew colder the amount of sunlight I saw shrunk.  When I walked to work I saw the sunrise and when I left work I saw the sunset.  Of course a few smoking breaks I would take outside, but those were really minimal times outside at best.

Then my anxiety seemed to worsen slowly as my internship ended.  I'm not totally sure of all the reasons why, but I think I know a few of them.  It is hard to really convey to someone else what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder — something that you struggle to control.  I've said before that sometimes I just wish I was normal and didn't have to deal with it, but then I remind myself that I could be far worse off and to be thankful for all the positive things in my life I do have.

How this all relates to writing, I don't know.  I wish I did more of it.  A lot more of it.  I should probably do what Howie Good said in class before — set aside a designated time to write each day and all you can do is write for the full amount of time.  It would probably do me some good.  There are just so many other distractions and things to do that it can be hard to focus.  Also, as a journalist I tend to do a lot of writing anyway, but not writing that is really for me.

I really miss writing poetry, but a part of me feels that I just can't do it anymore.  The driving force that was there before just doesn't seem to be there anymore.  I'm not really sure why, but that just seems to be the way it is.  I'm sure I could change this, but I have never been when to force writing.  I just did it when it came to me and maybe that is the problem.  I might need to coax the writing essence to come out of me a little more than I do currently.

It just seems to be such a damn busy world out there.

No comments:

Post a Comment